Many of us feel lonely from time to time. Feelings of loneliness are personal, so everyone’s experience will be different.
Some people describe loneliness as the feeling we have when our need for social contact and relationships isn’t met. But loneliness isn’t the same as being alone.
You may feel content without much contact with other people. But others may find this a lonely experience.
Some people may only feel lonely at certain times. But some people may experience chronic loneliness. This is a deep feeling of loneliness that goes on for a long time. You may be around others and still feel like you’re alone.
Some people might think that you need to live alone to feel lonely. Or that being lonely means not having many friends or family around you.
But you can have lots of social contact and support and still feel lonely. Especially if you don’t feel understood or cared for by the people around you.
Is loneliness a mental health problem?
Feeling lonely isn’t a mental health problem. But having a mental health problem can increase feelings of loneliness. For example, if you’re struggling with your mental health, you may:
Avoid social events and activities you usually enjoy
Have low self-esteem
Find it hard to try new things and worry about engaging with others
Find it difficult to speak to people about how you’re feeling, for fear of stigma or not being understood
Feel like you could be a burden to others
Feel overwhelmed in busy public places, or at work events and parties
Feeling lonely can have a negative impact on your mental health, especially if you’ve felt lonely for a long time.
Some research suggests that loneliness can increase stress. It’s also associated with an increased risk of certain mental health problems. For example, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and sleep problems.
What causes loneliness?
Loneliness has many different causes. These vary from person to person. We don’t always understand what it is about an experience that makes us feel lonely.
Certain life events or experiences may make you feel lonely, such as:
Have experienced sexual or physical abuse, which may mean you find it harder to form close relationships with other people
Loneliness and money
Many of us are struggling with money right now. This may have an impact on how often we can see other people. This can affect our wellbeing and how lonely we feel.
If you can’t afford the things you need, help is out there. Visit Mind’s pages on money and mental health to find out more about what support might be available to you.
More information about loneliness
How can I manage loneliness?
This page has some tips and suggestions for managing feelings of loneliness:
Learn more about being comfortable in your own company
Try and open up to people you know
Take it slow
Make new connections
Try not to compare yourself to others
Look after yourself
Try talking therapies
Some people find these ideas useful. But remember that different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
If something isn’t working for you (or doesn’t feel possible just now), you can try something else or come back to it another time.
Learn more about being comfortable in your own company
Having lots of friends and contacts in your life doesn’t mean you won’t feel lonely. For many of us, feeling lonely is linked to low self-esteem or self-confidence.
Sometimes, improving our relationships with ourselves, as well as others, can help us feel less lonely. You may find it helpful to look at our information about self-esteem.
You could start by thinking about what self-care means to you. Remember that self-care looks different for everyone. Some people who live alone find it comforting to have some background noise. This could be the television, the radio or a podcast you enjoy.
It may help to start doing activities you enjoy by yourself. For example, going for a walk in your local area, doing some arts and crafts or cooking a meal from scratch.
It could also involve moving your body, watching a film you love, decluttering your home or going to a free museum in your area.
It’s okay to try different things to see what makes you feel good. Try and be patient with yourself.
Social care
If you have needs for care and support, there may be ways in which the law can help you.
The Care Act 2014 in England places general obligations on local authorities to promote wellbeing and to prevent social care needs from arising.
They also contain specific duties for local authorities to help individuals. See Mind’s pages on health and social care rights for more information. You can also contact Mind’s Legal Line with your specific enquiry.
Try and open up to people you know
You might feel like you know plenty of people, but don’t have a deep connection with them. Or that the people around you don’t give you the care and attention that you need.
If this is how you feel, it might help to open up to someone you trust. This could be a friend or family member, a colleague or someone else in your life. You don’t need to speak face-to-face. You could send them a text message, or send a message to someone on social media.
Many of us have experienced loneliness, but it can be a scary thought to tell other people about it. It might be helpful to think about what you want to say in advance. You may find that they’ve experienced similar feelings before.
Being able to normalise feeling lonely with someone you trust may help you feel a bit better.
Take it slow
If you’ve felt lonely for a long time, it might feel overwhelming to start opening up to people. Trying to meet new people may also worry you. But you don’t need to rush into anything
To start small, try and make conversations with people you come across in your day-to-day life. For example, this could be saying hello to a cashier in your local shop. Or making conversation with a neighbour
Some people find it useful to be in environments where there are lots of people around. For example, coffee shops, libraries or shopping centres. Feeling the presence of other people may help with some feelings of loneliness
It may help to establish a routine, where you go to the same places at the same time. You might start to recognise people in these places, which may lead to forming connections
Try thinking about how your interests could help you connect with other people. For example, if you like reading, you could join an online forum for conversations about books. You could also spend some time in a local library before joining a book club. Focus on environments where you feel safe and try not to put too much pressure on yourself
You could try an online activity where other people attend but you’re not expected to interact with them. For example, a drawing class or another kind of creative workshop. You could ask whoever runs the sessions if you can just watch at first, rather than taking part
Loneliness and mental health
Watch Lee’s vlog on how overcoming his loneliness started with talking to people online and getting involved a mental health campaign. Our thanks to Mind for allowing us to share this film.
Make new connections
We have listed some different types of peer support and ways to make new connections. These may provide a space to meet new people and find support:
Join an online community like Side by Side. These communities can provide a place to listen and share with others who have similar experiences. They’re available 24/7. Most are free, and you can access them wherever you are
Meetup is a website where you can meet new people who share your interests, through online and in-person events. If you don’t see any groups or activities that interest you, you could try and start your own group
If you’re able to, volunteering is a good way to meet people. You can do it in-person or at home. Helping others can also really improve your mental health. It’s a good idea to check that you’ll receive adequate support from the organisation you are volunteering at. See our page of useful contacts for organisations that can help you find local volunteering opportunities
Join a group on social media to talk to others in your area. For example, many areas of the UK have local Facebook groups that you can join to meet others who live nearby
Ask your GP to refer you to a social prescribing link worker. They can refer you to local sources of support. For example, voluntary and community sector organisations
Contact Mind’s Infoline or a local Mind to see what other types of peer support there may be in your area
Try a befriender service. Various charities offer telephone befriender services. They put volunteer befrienders in touch with people who are feeling lonely. See our page of useful contacts for details of organisations that run befriender services
Try not to compare yourself to others
Many of us have changed the way we communicate over the last few years. We’re connecting with others online and through social media more.
Being able to interact with more people online has been a positive experience for many of us. But others may find this challenging. We often only see what other people want to share about their lives on social media.
Seeing photos of others at events, or socialising with friends and family, might make us feel like we’re the only one who’s feeling lonely. Being able to access so many people’s lives can sometimes feel overwhelming.
It’s sometimes hard to stop comparing ourselves to others. But remember that things aren’t always what they seem from the outside. We don’t know how other people feel when they’re alone. Or what’s going on for them outside of their social media feed.
If you’re worried that social media might be affecting your mental health, see this information on online mental health.
Look after yourself
Feeling lonely can affect your wellbeing. Making small changes in your day-to-day life may help you feel more able to connect with others. For example:
Physical activity can be really helpful for your mental wellbeing. Some people also find it helps to improve their self-esteem. If you want to meet people while exercising, you could join a local exercise class or an online class. There’s also parkrun, which has free, weekly 5k runs or walks local to you. See Mind’s pages on physical activity and mental health for more information
Spend time in nature if you can. This can improve your sense of wellbeing and reduce feelings of loneliness. For example, you could plant some vegetables in your garden or on your windowsill. Organisations such as Ramblers arrange local walks for people to walk together. You can also look at these pages on nature and mental health for more ideas
Some people find that spending time around animals can help with feelings of loneliness. You could try visiting a local community or city farm. The organisation Social Farms and Gardens has a list of outdoor community projects across the UK. Many of these have animals that the public can interact with. There are also websites that connect animal owners with people who want to look after them, such as Borrow my Doggy
You might feel lonelier during certain times of year. For example, at Christmas or on certain anniversaries. It might be helpful to think in advance about what activities you could do to make you feel good at these times
Try talking therapies
Talking therapies can help you explore what feeling lonely means to you. Your therapist can help you develop different ways of managing your feelings.
If anxiety about social situations has made you feel isolated, you may find cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) helpful. This type of therapy focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and behaviour. Your therapist can help you develop coping strategies for different situations that you find difficult.
hubofhope.co.uk
UK-wide mental health service database. Lets you search for local, national, peer, community, charity, private and NHS mental health support. You can filter results to find specific kinds of support.
Meetup.com
meetup.com
Website that allows you to find face-to-face groups of people who share your interests or aspirations.
Mind
Mind’s helplines provide information and support by phone and email.
Local Minds offer face-to-face services across England and Wales. These services include talking therapies, peer support and advocacy.
Side by Side is Mind’s supportive online community for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.
National Council for Voluntary Organisations (NCVO)
ncvo.org.uk Information about volunteering, including details of local centres.
Parkrun
parkrun.org.uk
Organises free, weekly, 5km timed runs across the UK.
Ramblers
ramblers.org.uk
Supports people to spend time walking outdoors, through its programmes and community. You can search for wellbeing walks near you.
Reengage
reengage.org.uk
Social activities for people over 75 who have little or no social support.
Relate
relate.org.uk
Provides help and support with relationships, including counselling and telephone support.
0800 4 70 80 90 thesilverline.org.uk
Provides support, information, friendship and advice for anyone aged over 55 who may feel lonely or isolated.
Social Farms & Gardens
farmgarden.org.uk
Information on care farming and community growing projects, including a network of local farms.
Student Minds
0808 808 4994 studentminds.org.uk
Mental health charity that supports students. Runs Student Space, offering online information and helpline support delivered in partnership with The Mix.
If you or someone you know needs urgent mental health help, please call 111 – the NHS
non-emergency
number. It’s available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and is free from any phone. They have
specialist
mental health nurses who can support adults and young people.
